Question regarding a Friend w/ BC

Hello. I'm new here and looking for any advice you may be willing to give. I have a very close friend who has just been recently diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. She had BC 6 yrs ago, a double mastectomy, etc. I didn't know her then, so I don't know all of the details. I do know that she was on Tamoxifin (sp?) for 5 yrs, and was given a clean bill of health as recent as July 08. She found a lump in her neck last week, had a biopsy and pet (sp, again) scan and was told this afternoon that she has stage 4 BC, and a slim chance of beating it.

My question to all of you is, as a friend - what is the best thing that I can do for her, now, and in the near and not so pleasant future.

Thanks to all..

Mostly be a supportive friend. I have stage 3 and alos of my friends backed alway cause they were scared, I know alot of friend that stay positive and have alot of good times. Each day is a gift and I know you can help her enjoy each gift, Also remember to take care of yourself. I took care of my father and didnt take time for me, It was harder. I love rides to the beach and just beening there helps, Good luck, I will be praying for you and your friend. Debbie

Post edited by: footprintsangel, at: 2008/09/03 05:03

Bamajen, welcome to the forum first of all

Second: thank you for wanting to be a good friend to your friend and ask what you can do.

Third: Debbie is right. The most important thing is to BE her friend. So many people are consumed with fears (that it won't call back on them) if they let go of themselves in the support of friends having this terrible illness, that it is pretty much disgusting (for those who are not blinded by these superstitions )

Fourth: this new appearance of cancer doesn't have to have to do with the previous one. It might have come up spontaneously as if she never had suffered of a different kind of cancer before.

Now: just BE a friend for her. That is more than many, many patients can say, unfortunately...

Footprintsangel and Hamsa - thank you so much for your insight. This is my first experience with cancer, so your recommendations are very helpful.

My friend is also my colleague, and as as you can imagine, many of our other colleagues are now offering assistance and help. Can you give me some ideas on how other people can help? I know that home-made frozen meals, grass mowing, etc. are some suggestions, but I'm sure there are a lot more ideas out there!!!

Thank you all so much!!

Dear Friend, When my dad was fighting cancer, I sent him and also took him over surprises while he was at the Dr. That way he aways called to let me know and I would tell him I love him. Also did yard and house work sometimes. Please remember to take care of yourself too. Take care,Debbie

I think as things progress you will find what it is you can do to help your friend, BamaJen. It largely depends on how she feels. Whether she wants to be cheered up or rather have a friend 'suffer' with her. Most of all I think a good friend is 'ears'. Also always let her feel comfortable asking for help anytime: with the cores and with everything.

Laundry,Your friends could floors were hard to clean and taking out trash, keeping new puzzle and if she likes games around, joke books,Hard to clean tub, put things were she wont have to bend or lift, slip on slippers. I had a bath chair by the tub, and a walker my the toilet. I hope this helps some, I also made oatmeal cookie with protein in them. Take care, Sending angel hugs, Debbie

Exactly, Footprintsangel. There are so many ways in where a friend can be helped. It is good you put those here and I hope BamaJen will read this soon and take advantage of the this advice

Gpawelski, that was very informative. Thank you very much for sharing this.

BamaJen, How is evrything going with you and your friends fight. I hope both of you are doing well and taking care. May the road you both are traveling not have too many mountains. Take care Debbie